Cara-Kahlan Drabbles
by Bardaholic
Summary: Somewhere to dump my drabbles/musings/one-shots/etc. Centred around Cara and Kahlan because I adore these two beautiful, strong, complex women. Especially together. (Giving it a pre-emptive 'M' rating).
1. Like it's the First

Kahlan rested her weight on her hands, keeping her body raised just enough to gaze over the bronze body beneath her. She was entranced by the goose bumps and the fine, blonde hairs that began to stand on end, following the path of her eyes. When her gaze finally reached Cara's face, the Mord-Sith was looking at her in awe. It made her shiver.

"What?" she whispered.

Cara swallowed audibly. "You."

Kahlan frowned in question.

"No matter how many times we do this," Cara explained, "you always look at me as though you can't believe it's real, can't believe it's happening. You look at me like it's the first time all over again."

Kahlan couldn't stop the grin that crept across her face as she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Cara's, noses and lips brushing.

Cara swallowed again, her next words barely audible. "Or maybe that's just how I feel."

Kahlan finally lowered her body onto Cara's while meeting the blonde's lips in a desperate kiss. A deceptively feminine moan escaped the Mord-Sith as she wrapped her legs around Kahlan and flipped their bodies over to reverse their positions.


	2. A Kiss from Kahlan

A kiss from Kahlan was never just a quick peck. Sometimes it started out that way, a gentle meeting of lips, but then Kahlan's hands would wind themselves through Cara's hair and her kiss would be filled with enough passion and emotion that Cara would wonder if it was to be their last; after all, Cara was always counting her days with Kahlan, waiting for the Mother Confessor to inevitably realise how wrong Cara was for her.

Kahlan's kisses always went on for minutes that felt like both seconds and lifetimes. They left Cara disoriented, much like settling down for a nap at midday and waking at dawn. When they would pull away, Cara would always look to Kahlan's eyes to ground herself. Sometimes she saw mischief and mirth, but other times she'd be greeted with a furrowed brow and piercing blue eyes that seemed to be looking past her exterior. She always wondered what Kahlan was thinking in those moments, what the Mother Confessor could see inside her black soul. But then Kahlan's serious expression would melt into one of her bright smiles, the ones she saved for Cara, and the Mord-Sith could think of nothing more than how lucky she was in that moment.

 _Kahlan felt the familiar flutter in her chest and tingle in her spine as Cara's teeth latched roughly onto her lower lip, trying to stop her from pulling away. She drew back slightly as the kiss ended, but kept the blonde's face cradled in her hands. Clear green eyes looked back at her, no longer cloudy with uncertainty. She took note of the softening of Cara's face, and could feel that the tension in the body pressed up against hers had long since melted away. At the almost imperceptible upward twitch at the corner of Cara's mouth, Kahlan let out a breath and allowed her own smile to break through._

 _As Cara had begun to reclaim her lost humanity, her Mord-Sith walls had started to crack, and in their place she was left with insecurity, shame and uncertainty as she tried to find a medium between her old and new identities. Kahlan tried, with each kiss, to stick a few shattered pieces back together; she knew it wouldn't be so easy to permanently settle the storm inside of Cara, but she hoped to at least mend those pieces that had Cara doubting Kahlan's feelings for her. Each time their lips met Kahlan was swept up in a tide of emotion that she couldn't hold back; so she tried to pour that emotion into each kiss and embrace, hoping that Cara could feel it too. She always looked for the growing spark of confidence and understanding in those endless green eyes, counting the days as the Mord-Sith's heart slowly opened to her._


	3. Why are you weeping over a sword?

Cara tethered the horses to a nearby tree, ensuring their reins were loose enough to allow them to graze. She gave each of them a quick rub down the flanks and checked their hooves. Satisfied that the horses were comfortable and ready to go at a moment's notice, Cara turned to search for Kahlan. She was surprised to see the Confessor sitting on a log with the Sword of Truth lying across her lap, tracing the intricate hilt with her fingertips.

Cara sauntered over. "Something wrong?"

Kahlan glanced up at Cara briefly with a sad smile. Her eyes were red and watery, a single tear forming at the corner of one eye. Looking back down at the sword, she replied, "I miss Richard."

"Why?"

Kahlan looked up at the perplexed tone of Cara's one-word question. She shook her head gently, trying to find the words to explain something that most people would have implicitly understood. "Because I love him!" Kahlan smiled at Cara, even as the tear finally rolled down her cheek. The Mord-Sith still appeared confused. "I'm not used to being apart from him."

Cara was still frowning, standing perfectly still. Eyes wide, her gaze moved away from Kahlan, flickering back and forth between the trees in the distance without really seeing. "It's…not necessary to feel…pain…over his absence."

Kahlan sighed and shook her head again. She smiled gently, remembering that Cara was not 'most people'. "Don't you feel anything?"

The question was soft, genuinely curious rather than accusatory. Kahlan's smile faltered slightly as she watched Cara consider the question very seriously, her eyes still darting from side to side as she searched herself for an answer. Her mouth opened, then closed again. She tilted her head to the side. Kahlan thought she looked like a confused puppy.

Finally, the blonde stepped forward. "Mord-Sith believe emotions must be governed," she began, as though explaining something to a child. Kahlan turned her eyes back down to the sword. "Sadness, remorse, love – these feelings make you weak. Anger, loyalty, pride – these feelings make you powerful." Kahlan looked back up at Cara and her breath caught for a moment at the intense green eyes looking back at her. "I _can_ teach you to control your emotions. If you'd like."

"I'm not sure love makes a person weak, Cara."

Cara cocked a hip to the side and clasped her hands in front of her condescendingly, frowning, her voice dripping with incredulity. "Then why are you sitting on the ground, _weeping_ over a sword?"

Kahlan almost laughed out loud as Cara's expression teetered between disgust and concern. "You wouldn't understand," she replied, not unkindly.

Cara straightened, standing at attention with her arms crossed over her chest. "Explain it to me." Her full attention was on Kahlan, her expression showing genuine curiosity.

It was Kahlan's turn to frown as she considered her answer. "It's….difficult to put into words. Having Richard's sword…It makes me feel closer to him, but it also reminds me that he's not here."

Cara's head tipped to the side again.

"I am reminded that he's out there with a bunch of women we know nothing about, unarmed, and suffering from the effects of his gift. I have hope that they will cure him, but I am afraid of what may happen to him while we are apart."

Cara considered for a moment. "I have the Rahl bond, as do all D'Harans. As long as I can feel the bond, as long as my Agiels still work, we know that Richard is alive. Besides, his other option was to stay with us until his gift killed him."

"I know...I know we made the right decision. I know it was the only real option. But I still worry. And I still miss him terribly."

Cara's lips were pursed, her eyes boring into Kahlan's as she frowned in concentration, her head nodding slowly, sagely.

"…You don't get it at all, do you?"

Cara went still for a moment, then, "…no."

Kahlan couldn't stop the laughter that suddenly bubbled out. She could tell that Cara's answer had been genuine, no trace of mockery or malice. She put the sword aside and held her hand out to the blonde. She feared that Cara's confused expression would become permanent as the woman's hawk-like gaze moved from her face, to her outstretched hand, and back again. Finally, a gloved hand reached out, and Kahlan used it to pull herself to her feet. She followed the forward momentum to gracefully wrap Cara in a tight hug.

Cara was still struggling to process what had just happened, her hands held awkwardly in the air and her body stiff, when the Confessor's warm voice by her ear sent a shiver down her spine. "I've never met anyone quite like you, Cara Mason." She wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or insulted.

When Kahlan failed to release her, Cara eased into the contact and rested one hand on Kahlan's upper back. Kahlan smiled at the awkward gesture and pulled away.

Cara noticed that Kahlan seemed lighter, happier, as she wiped away her tears. The Mord-Sith remained perpetually baffled. She turned away from Kahlan and stared off into the trees bordering the clearing. "I hope Zed is alright."

Kahlan stood at the blonde's shoulder. "Zed can take care of himself. I'm sure he'll be back soon." She wandered past Cara, heading for the tethered horses. "We may as well sit and eat."

* * *

When Kahlan returned with their food pack, she and Cara sat together on the log, the Sword of Truth still lying in the grass. Kahlan rummaged around and found two fresh apples left over from the bunch they had picked a few days ago, as well as some bread and dried meat. She handed one of the apples to Cara and the Mord-Sith pulled the dagger from Kahlan's nearest boot.

Cara was about to pop a juicy slice into her mouth when Kahlan made a noise of disgust beside her; she had cut into her apple to find a rotten patch. Kahlan was about to cut out the bad section when Cara's gloved hand stopped her. The Mord-Sith took the bad apple and swapped it for her good one.

"Cara. I can cut around it, you don't have to-"

Cara rolled her eyes and popped a good piece into her mouth, as if to seal the deal. Kahlan's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink at the surprisingly sweet gesture. She looked down as she mumbled her thanks.

* * *

Cara heard Kahlan approaching her in the dark. Zed had been late to return, so they had lit a fire and laid out their bedrolls to camp for the night. Zed was on the other side of the fire, snoring loudly.

The Confessor lowered herself gently onto the log beside Cara. "Hey."

Cara kept her eyes trained on the trees. "You should be sleeping. You need the rest."

"I can't."

"Is the wildebeest keeping you up?" Cara smirked and turned towards Kahlan. She was startled to find the brunette's face closer than she had expected.

Cara's comment sparked an amused grin from Kahlan, but the blonde noticed that the mirth hadn't reached those sad blue eyes. She had noticed Kahlan gazing at the Sword of Truth again, while Zed had been inhaling his dinner. Cara had been intrigued to see Kahlan suddenly chuckle in the midst of her tears before laying the sword back down and wiping at her eyes.

She took another guess. "Richard?"

Kahlan hesitated. "…Yes. But I've also been thinking about our quest. About where we go from here."

Cara sighed. "That's tomorrow's problem. Go to sleep." She turned her eyes back to the trees, indicating the end of the conversation. Kahlan stubbornly ignored her order, moving closer until their shoulders brushed. Cara looked at Kahlan from the corner of her eye, secretly admiring the glow of the moonlight on her pale skin and the soft smile gracing her face.


	4. Running Away

Closing the door gently behind her, Cara quietly moved further into the Mother Confessor's room. The light of the full moon leaked in through the window, illuminating the frail form buried under soft blankets in the middle of a large bed. Cara's heart ached at the sight. More than friends, but less than lovers; Kahlan had wormed her way past all of Cara's defences, and the blonde hadn't noticed until it was too late.

Kahlan's illness was not something Cara could poke with her Agiels, something she could torture into submission or outright kill. So she'd spent months running, hiding behind her pride and her Mord-Sith facade…wasting time that should've been spent by Kahlan's side while the illness had worsened.

But she was here now.

She knelt by Kahlan's bedside, brushed her fingers over a gaunt cheek. The brunette had lost a lot of weight since Cara had last been to see her. Even like this, Cara found her beautiful - in a heartbreaking sort of way. Kahlan stirred and offered Cara a sleepy smile. The Mord-Sith pulled the bedcovers back just enough to slide in beside the brunette who quickly reached out to pull her in closer before closing her eyes once more with a content sigh. Cara stiffened at the contact, watching Kahlan's breathing even out, and then relaxed into the other woman's hold. She'd expected questions, anger, hurt. She supposed that Kahlan hadn't been fully awake, hadn't emerged from whatever she'd been dreaming.

A part of Cara still wanted to cling to her Mord-Sith ways, to the numbness, the apathy, the strict control of body and mind. She wanted to keep her emotions in check. She wanted to keep some _particular_ emotions locked safely away. But there was no fighting the tug in her chest or the queasy feeling in her stomach, and she seemed completely incapable of fighting the tears building in her eyes. Laying there beside the sleeping Confessor, she reluctantly – angrily – allowed the tears to fall.

"It's your fault," she hissed. "Mord-Sith aren't supposed to _feel._ " Quieter, "not like _this._ "

Kahlan had been surprised to open her eyes and find herself face to face with the long-absent Mord-Sith, but she was too exhausted and relieved to delve into the questions she wanted to ask. She'd been drifting back to sleep until the sound of Cara's voice had caught her attention. She focused on keeping her breathing steady and her body limp, feeling bad for the deception, but desperate to hear more. She was beginning to feel disappointed when a few moments passed in silence. She was focused on the warmth of the arms around her and the regular puffs of breath against her face, and was startled when she heard the almost imperceptible sound of a teardrop hitting the pillow.

"You changed me. You taught me to feel, so I was no longer Mord-Sith. Made me believe that I-"

A frustrated growl.

"You made me _feel,_ and now you're just going to _leave me_. Break me, just as I've been broken before. But this time…If I'm not Mord-Sith, and I'm not…." Kahlan heard her swallow the end of her sentence. "What am I?"

A barely audible whisper, " _Who_ am I?"

Kahlan felt a pang in her chest at the vulnerability in Cara's voice. She opened her eyes and brought a hand to Cara's cheek, startling her. The blonde tried to pull away, but Kahlan moved closer. She watched a tear roll lazily from the corner of Cara's eye and felt her own tears fall in response.

Cara finally let go, unable to hold back her anguish and the accompanying sobs. "I can't protect you from this. I can't fight it. I can't stand in the way and let it take me instead."

Kahlan pressed her forehead to Cara's, cupping her face in both hands.

"I'm not supposed to care for you, Kahlan. I was never meant to love you."

Unable to hold back, she pressed her lips hard against Cara's in response. She savoured the sound when Cara's breathing hitched, committed the texture of the blonde's full lips to memory.

Kahlan knew from the state of her body that she'd be lucky to make it through the next couple of days, let alone the week that the healer had predicted. But with her lips and body joined to Cara, time seemed to stand still, and none of it mattered except for the rapid beating of her heart.

She pulled back when her breathing became laboured, and quickly gasped out, "I love you, too."

Cara buried her face in Kahlan's neck, curling into her like a child with her arms still wrapped around her. Kahlan had never seen the usually infallible woman appear so fragile.

"You'll be okay," she whispered. "You'll get through this, and you'll go on without me."

Cara didn't respond, but tightened her hold, crying harder as she thought of all the time she'd wasted running away, being afraid. She'd spent too long away from Kahlan since the illness had first set in. She told herself that she didn't deserve this moment, this night, even as she wished that she could make it last an eternity.


End file.
